Honest Descriptions of PCs Alignments in D&D

Reading Thomas' post about having a GM declare his PC was Chaotic Neutral has me thinking about D&D Alignments again...

Here is a nonsense Alignment Meme, because ALL Alignment Memes are nonsense.

Now, I almost geared up a new post about Alignments and not being a dick to other players, but instead here's something more lighthearted. Now, D&D is famous/infamous for its nine alignments (except for 4th when it was "simplified" to five which I've marked with * for no reason)

• Lawful Good*
• Neutral Good* (as Good? I guess Good from 4e could cover Neutral and Chaotic Good)
• Chaotic Good
• Lawful Neutral
• True Neutral* (as unaligned)
• Chaotic Neutral
• Lawful Evil
• Neutral Evil* (As Evil)
• Chaotic Evil*

But when I have players actually playing D&D I rarely see these alignments, so here is my proposed list of "Honest" Alignments that reflect actual play in my very snarky and not terribly serious opinion. **(Though serious enough that I did not make Alignment an official part of my current 5e D&D game)

The list of Honest Alignments in no-particular order (or some secret order, who knows?).

1. Lawful Jerk - aka "Let's not break any laws."
2. "If the party's fine with it..." aka "If I can just get to the next level on my iPhone game" aka level 5 Facebook browser.
3. Ruthless Good aka "If I think they're Evil, there's nothing that's too horrible that can be done to them."
4. Thieving Murder Hobo aka "I search the body!"
5. Stabbity-stab-stab.
6. "Who needs diplomacy when you have Acid Arrow?" aka ADD aka Random Asshole aka Chaotic Neutral
7. "Ignore all the notes I'm passing the DM" aka "If I roll high enough, the PC fighter won't know I'm stealing from them." aka Eventually murdered by the rest of the Party.
8. Annoying Personality Trait- aka D&D 5e background quirks and flaws
9. Deranged Lunatic aka "What's wrong if I eat babies?" aka Sid

Additional "Honest" Alignments (more in traditional Alignment order) h/t the Ginger Giant for these and for tolerating my editing of these.

• Moral Absolutist - For when you want to be a bossy dick wrapped in a meta cloak of doing the right thing, accept no substitute.
• The Good Guy (or Girl) aka "I want to be like Aragorn" aka "I sort of do the right thing but I don't need to get on a soap box about it"
• Killing is my Business & Business is GOOD aka the Barbarian - For players who get bored and like to stir things up but also want to pretend to be good.
• "I'm out for myself, but I'm not going to stab you in the back to do it"
• "Yes, but how does this affect ME!?" aka the Scout, aka "I'm just going to do my own thing here and if the rest of the party doesn't go along...¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
• "Well, at least I'm not Evil!" aka "I do what I want"
• "Might Makes Right" aka "Mostly I can game the rules, so I'm good with rules but I'm really not Good.:
• "I do what I WANT!" aka "I want to play an evil PC"
• "Insanity for the sake of Insanity" aka "Why don't you want me to heal you?" aka "It's not my blood"